She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
