so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
