just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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