i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
