He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
