New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
