watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
