You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We left the knife in your bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
