The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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