I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
