I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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