My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
