so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
