I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
COCAINE IS GR8
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
