fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
