TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
