So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
