I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
