and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
