I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
