YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
