M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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