Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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