It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
