We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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