Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
