this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
