i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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