ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
