just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
