I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
