Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
