Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So apparently I’m into choking now
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