that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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