i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can I color on your dick again?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
