Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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