Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
