you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
