While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
