I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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