I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
