Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
