It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How does one acquire holy water?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
