uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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