He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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