why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
