I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my fart just growled at me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
