hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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