I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
