Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
