I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
