I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
did i just pee glitter
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
