I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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