I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
