ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
