There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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