Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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