Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
