ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
