i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize