Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize