He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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