Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
