life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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