i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
