I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
