In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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